When The Ride isn't So Smooth

Sometimes everything goes wrong all at once.

If you've been keeping up you'd be momentarily shocked by the amount of sickness our family is experiencing. But in between we've been trying to live life, you know and do the things that need to get done like homeschooling, co-op, library, painting, cleaning,laundry, church attendance, showering, walking the dogs.

We've also been looking at many vehicles to purchase for my husband. We have been a one car family now for a year and a half. It's getting difficult when we have things to do and the children and I all have to pile into the van around six am every morning to take my hubby to work then to pick him up between five and six. God hasn't allowed any vehicles to work out though and I've resigned myself to the fact that it has to be difficult for now.

This added to the culmination of everything going wrong all at once, like painting the children's rooms ordering bunk beds but the wrong mattresses came the week my hubs work six days straight and  it rains and the van breaks down twice while I am at the doctor with three sick children very bad case of strep throat that seems worse than my own case of bronchitis.OH and I had to return the mattresses myself, with the children, what a sight I must have been !

UGH.

It's hard being a parent when you are sick and sleep weary. It's hard when you have one vehicle and four children and your husband works so very much.

When you have two in diaper' s, round the clock nursing and you still have a life that requires social interactions, social obligations and a godly attitude.

It's not easy I tell new parents with one, or maybe pregnant with number two  as they ooze with suggestions and blissful "I'm blessedness." They don't know it's hard and there's a reason people stop at 1.2 children.

Going wrong publicly is when it is getting hard for me, like finding strangers who will jump start your van in the rain and you are alone with four children then it's really humbling. I also think about the parents that have one, immobile non-speaking six month old baby and they talk about having four or more and they haven't even entered the trenches of difficulty. Parenting when the road is not smooth is humbling, embarrassing, stressful and the last thing you can ever expect to take pride in.

The other day I had an estranged family member tell me that I had lost my reputation. This struck me because I have been so ridiculed, scoffed, mocked and asked the most embarrassing questions and have been put into some of the most awkward parenting situations in the past four years that I forgot I ever had a reputation.

That got me to thinking, and praying, because the road hasn't been smooth lately and I do resemble a fool when I have all these small people and all these normal life bumps magnified by a group of small children that still cry a lot, unable to wipe their own noses.

My life looks crazy, it looks difficult to outsiders and I have lost my "earthly reputation" so very long ago, or maybe I never had one, I don't remember ever having much to boast about.

Essentially our World has a majority view that children are assets, mile markers, trophies, things you have to do but only if it's not too many and they are cute. People don't often boast of blessedness on social media if the child is imperfect by the World's standards.

Now people don't really want to hear that the one vehicle our family owns outright, is broken down, in the rain loaded with four sick babies and a frazzled sleep deprived mom. They don't really want to know how she had to search and beg two different people within two hours if they could please jump start the battery?

That right there is definitely a lack of a reputation, it's humbling, it's funny and it's a very blessed thing that it's the ONLY worse happening that has transpired these past few weeks.

The road isn't always bump free, reputations are not the most important things to have. But having Jesus be the center of it all, focusing on His will, His commands and His word is the only thing that gets us down this road, that's not very smooth.Outside of Christ I am truly nothing but a frazzled Mom in a broken down van with runny nose toddlers. And I am blessed beyond measure to only be able to boast of my God.

John 3:30- He must increase and I must decrease......

Our Love Story

This morning I woke up buried underneath covers with you. It was cold last night and our small dog, greying aging too fast, wedged between us. Our youngest babies had ended up around us, sniffing and coughing from the croup and lingering colds.

This is our love story of seven years with you my hero that leaves for a job which hurts your back, destroying your hands with grease, cuts and bruises. When you return home, late, you take out the trash without complaints. On your days off you make our children sandwiches oozing peanut butter and jelly. You build Lego towers that cover the toy room floor, couch forts that take over our living room. You can fix anything, draw anything, build anything. You are my children's superhero, lifting them as high as the ceiling and sneaking them cookies from the cabinet.

I spend my days waiting for you, cleaning our castle, washing your uniforms, making our bed, replacing worn toothbrushes with new ones, budgeting the pay you bring home. Sometimes I put on the eye makeup you like but usually you are sweeping me off my feet when I'm in work pants, covered in dirt outside from our garden, breastmilk from our nursling, cleaner or laundry detergent. My life's calling is to serve this family and you are the hero of my womanly heart, beating with love as you leave us to provide food and shelter for our tiny clan. I listen to the sound of many small feet that race to the door every night as they greet the man who has made my dreams come true.

Our love has endured through hunger, through being homeless, broke, scared and young. We made it through the four births of our children. A cross country move, two house purchases and many vehicles. We have been deserted by family and scorned by  false friends, we have lived at the mercy of grace, not knowing where our next meal might come from.

And we have this; these mornings of habit, of the getting up and going on into the unknown, whether it be to give birth, to start a new job, to attend a funeral, the readying for church as we buckle belts and smooth hair. As I nurse and you speak, as I ask and you say, "yes I'm ready."

I wasn't always ready for this hard life, in a World that seeks it's own. That hates marriage between a man and a woman, under God til' death do us part. This World that doesn't want things too difficult, too many children, too many sleepless nights, too much time and too much responsibility.

Yet here is our love story under God's grace, on a morning like this, in a chapter of our story. I look ahead, preparing myself for different seasons as we age together, and I look back at how far we have come and how we have endured.

Our wedding songs.

When You Only Have two Hands

Ever wish God had created women with more than two hands?

This past month I've struggled with the reality that two hands is all I've got. When we started our second year of home schooling with Tristan in kindergarten, Gavin in Pre-k four and Clarity in Pre-k three I didn't think we'd also be batting a terrible stomach bug, followed by colds, croup and lingering coughs until this present date !!!

Here's my bright eyed children on first day of home school co-op!

Our day for co-op begins around 5:45 AM. We take my hubby to work, drive back shovel down breakfast, dress , pack up and spend nine am to about three pm in classes. I am also teaching pre-k four this season and I am loving being able teach a group again! After our long day we may stop at the grocery store before picking up hubby from work between five to six in the evening. It's a long day for sure!

When we started with the stomach bug Clarity and I were sick together. Following a two year old around who didn't understand being sick in the toilet was best while nursing seven months old Dagen while being sick myself was humbling. The insanely high fever that followed was hard for me to handle because I still had to nurse. My friend told me that being in the throes of family illness is a great tool for acquiring grace. I also found out it's a great way to get people away from you !!!! I had offers of soup and help until they find out it's the tummy bug......

After that germ moved through we were directly assaulted with colds followed by croup. Would we ever attend church as a family again I wondered?  

My husband was so ill he actually took off ONE day of work. Unfortunately mommies do not get sick days. Yet all these illnesses disappeared, I was thankful my trials were temporary and that we are healthy again.

We've been blessed with the last warm Kentucky days spent at water parks, poolside on our porch as we painted toe nails for the last days off flip flops.My husband also put up a swing we had received for the birth of T. years ago! Everyone is fascinated with baby Dag rocking to sleep !

Now that we are past our first weeks of rough waters we are looking ahead into these glorious autumn days of color, cool breezes, sunny days and chilling nights.  I watch this beautiful land change around me, shocked into wordless amazement that His grace truly is enough for this humbled mama who was only given two hands so that she'd have to ask her Heavenly Father for more strength.

Turning Five

This year for Tristan's birthday we were blessed with a visit from our children's beloved "Mamu."  Our eldest son has officially turned five, he also shares a birthday week with my brother and sister. We often celebrate the holiday weekend and his birthday together, sometimes we even celebrate Gavin's too since his birthday falls three weeks after T's.

However, this year marked a milestone of FIVE so Tristan got a party.

We had a small gathering with some dear friends and a TMNT cake. Tristan is very into swords, weapons, dress up and super heroes. Typical five year old.

Never too big for kisses!

Neither is Gavin!

Some of our lovely guests.

While legos and baby dolls presided as the main amusement , baby Dagen needed extra hugs and cuddles because he was still sick.

Still we had a fantastic time celebrating.

Tristan was very self conscious during the birthday song.

This birthday for Tristan was so very different from last year when we had sold and packed up most of what we owned and stood on the thread of uncertainty as we prepared to leave the East coast.  This year Tristan was spoiled with gifts because we had the funds.

We don't really gift with store bought things during December. And we don't buy extras during the year, birthdays are the ONLY occasions we totally spoil our children. Ironically they always have a short list of wants..... Tristan wanted a Spider-Man pencil set for school and a TMNT costume. My sister's and friend's also spoiled him and I was pleasantly surprised when Tristan divided his things amongst his younger siblings the next day. Tristan told me he had too much, I hope his attitude towards "stuff" is something that sticks!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY T.t. !!!!!!

Happy Birthday

My big silly, stubborn, strong, competitive, thoughtful, willful oldest boy.

Tristan Edward.

Everyday I pray for your salvation, that God will give you a new heart and His purpose for your precious and vivacious life.

Five years ago you made me a Mom.

Five years later and I'm still trying to figure it all out.

Three weeks late, thirteen hours of induced labor without drug's, even your entry into this World went against your stubborn nature.

But this life God has given me to raise has broken me, showing me that I am not I control.

Once upon a time you fit in my tummy.

Now you're growing out of my arms.....

Happy fifth birthday T.t.

When it's just an opinion

"That's just your opinion."

"Well that's just what you think."

One has to love our pre-programmed answers. Talk to anyone about global issues, social media posts, national news, public matters or just our moral stance on homosexuality and abortion and I could write a list of answers seemingly programmed into our Americanized brains.

 Some subjects resulting in programmed responses are;

(1) pregnancies that are the result of rape are not really babies

(2) homosexual relationships are people that can't help the way they are

(3) don't burden society by having more than 1.2 children

(4) dating multiple people is a good way to figure out love

(5) immunizations minimize germs and death.

The programmed response that really doesn't make sense though, the opinion answer. The one that blasts out it's just your idea, your feelings. The definition of opinion based on a dictionary; a view or judgement on something not necessarily based on fact or knowledge. Here is where we slip up in our generation though because an opinion is not what we are talking about here.

You understand then that when someone refers to something morally or which may discriminate, harm or violate human life we are discussing beliefs and not opinions....right? I am referring to views that cause dinner party conundrums like does the birth control pill really cause a spontaneous abortion? Are homosexual couples still doing good by adopting those orphans and why shouldn't I vote for a political party that doesn't support everything I claim to believe in? Many would call those things mere opinions, but I am not talking about an opinion when I say that human life has a great value and ANYTHING associated with the harm, altering or tampering of it absolutely crosses past the line of opinions? 

That my friends is a belief, not judgement ,or something based loosely on feelings and vague thoughts.

In truth, anything I state as a Bible believing Christian isn't an "opinion". It is a belief; a trust, faith or confidence in something.

Opinions don't shrink a friend's list on face book, they don't turn family members away on holidays, opinions don't result in rubbing people the wrong way or give your children a label like sheltered. If they did, if it was " just an opinion", just a "thought coming from your heart." We wouldn't be posting snide little things on social media just because we don't like it. We'd go home, forget about your "opinions" and accept you for who you are. A wandering, unknowing human, who is just figuring out their place in this world....

Right now our culture is still trying to grapple with bible thumper's. We feel such animosity towards these "views" and "thoughts" these crazy yet nice people hold to. We cannot grasp it, and we try to avoid any talk or association with these constrictive outdated ideas these kool aid drinkers want us to accept as the absolute right way to live. Who are the kidding anyway, holding to a set standard of rules, please, life is so much better when you have no lines, just love that's all we are asking. Love that crosses boundaries, love that helps animals, unites unconventionality and accepts that babies in the tummy are NOT like babies outside the tummy. No way, my body my rights, my choice and all that.

But that's just an opinion.

Maybe we need to start finding a better definition for our beliefs; because if you are going to say that you think the way you do because it's an opinion then the definition doesn't fit at all.

Catching Up

Remember those babies?

These pudgy balls of motion are on their way to seven months old !!

I'm trying to catch up because I know when we become fully immersed in co-ops and daily life all the little things I've sent out to accomplish won't happen. We've just moved into our new home and I was helped out by a dear friend in the painting department. My husband has been attempting to get an overgrown land into order before winter and now my Mom has come to visit for two weeks!!!

I'm homeschooling pre k three, pre k four and kindergarten plus one co-op class a week this fall.Whew!!!! Still we have halted for some fun things like an awesome visit to some huge underground caverns. In between visits with friends and hanging out pool side while the weather is favorable.

We love to dress up around here ! 

Notice our new house color ?

Our sons are really into TMNT although they haven't watched the show. I this they just like the weapons and costumes.....

While the summertime here has treated us to some awesome weather, we're kinda stuck in a heatwave right now which has really been bugging my Mom since she hates anything above 70 degrees!

This was Dagen's first adventure underground and he did wonderful! We took a a tram ride through gigantic caverns under our city and enjoyed a cool 58 degrees while Dagen napped and the other small ones munched on candy. 

The baby has been battling another double ear infection that has thrown sleep out the window for his mommy but it's all worth it when I cuddle this cutie.